So close yet so far away..

December 9th is a date completely indented in my head. I'll be leaving America to go back home to New Zealand and i can't decide how i really feel about it. For such a long i have been wishing for this moment to come by faster. But now i know a date, i am speechless. 

I wont just be leaving Ohio, i'll be leaving people.. best friends, family and friends that i could never imagine not seeing again. This will be such a heart breaking process. 

Wish i didn't have to feel guilty for being happy and relieved to be going home..just actually 'being home!!'. Do you know how scary this all is??

This is real,

too real

FMGDL.

omg, i miss home </3

Maisey Rika - Reconnect

Planning my future

Plans always change, always!!! Since i don't think anybody important read this blog i can safely say..

My parents are talking about moving out of our home in New Zealand to live in another country so my dad can get better work. This was told to me not from my parents and sisters pacifically but from people not related to me so closely which in a way pisses the fuck out of me. I don't care how far i am away from my family.. i still deserve to know what's being planned. I mean, yeah i love surprises but this is not what i would consider 'a surprise' to be. This is like a slap in the face

I'm not sure how much of this is true and what in reality will really happen but for now.. i'm getting ready to have a very long chat on the phone to home. This will be interesting just like a lot of the other decisions being made around me between my host family

It's true.. i've always got myself in the middle of everyones problems and mess

So one simple or maybe not so simple decision could in turn change everything i imagined to happen straight after my exchange year in America. I hate that feeling.. you've thought a plan through for "what.is.next" and then BAM you've got to start over.

Now i really don't know what's what.

Fun. 

Not like the movies

It would be nice to think that there's a happy ending for everyone
that it does get easier one way or another
that there's a song playing behind every moment
and there's that one person you know WILL get you through it all <3 Just to be your own personal lifesaver :)

Some very difficult things have been happening lately, very uncontrolable events that take me way out of my comfort zone. I know i cannot be a pushover or easy person every time somebody needs help.. because that's how people get used and honestly just totally fucked over.

There's only one thing i wish more than anything in the world.. to be home, i think 6 months were enough for me, it was enough for my sisters, my friends and my parents.. but i was the one to push for more right in the beginning. WHAT WAS I THINKING?? don't get me wrong, i love the americans.. the place and all that stuff but it's just these little things i really can't mention here that i can't deal with. Certain people, attitudes and situations that all i want to do is be in my own room and just cry.. cry it all out.. i guess "it all" would be the pain.





♫ Last night I heard my own heart beating
Sounded like footsteps on my stairs
Six months gone and I'm still reaching
Even though I know you're not there
I was playing back a thousand memories, baby
Thinking 'bout everything we've been through
Maybe I've been going back too much lately
When time stood still and I had you ♫ 
-Taylor Swift

Half way mark

July 4th marked the half way mark of my time in America as an exchange student.

It's time for some sort of reflection on this all because at times it's very over whelming and i know i really need to vent these feelings. i'm kinda lazy and only get to sleep when the sun begins to rise, finding it easier typing a new blog rather than writing on paper, i'm sure i'd loose it and have gone into far too much personal detail that it becomes so private that if i'd lost it, I would be freaking out, A LOT!! The wrong person would read it and i would possibly have a few problems on my hand.. just my luck

Nooo, i'm a rather lucky person i think. No matter what bad thing happens.. in the end it was all worth the crap because everything turns out better than ever imagined, 

okay, now i'm just showing off ;)

I do feel bad for feeling excited that the months are flying past so quickly, i mean i am having a really great time with the other half of the world.. but home does sound so much nicer :/ I can't think of doing all that boring life career planning crap that i really should start looking into, i complain about it to almost everybody i speak with.. "Ohh just chill Amanda, things will work out!!" 'they' tell me.

Well 'they' need to stfu and let me freak out over this matter because i like to have a 'possible future plan' just in case. Why does nobody care about it? it's important and whatever i choose i'll most likely be stuck with all my life because it's not so easy to just change "THE PLAN", plus.. there's people i want to prove wrong, show them up ;P haha

So here's the plan..

~ to actually get one ~

This is me :)

I am a person, a person that can't sleep right when there's stuff.. really tough stuff on my mind so this may be the best way for me, splashing it all out online maybe.. just maybe?

Let me introduce myself!!

 - I currently live in Ohio, USA (here for another 6months) exchange student

- I've recently been listening to justin bieber songs, I. AM. NOT. PROUD. OF. THIS :P
- I like to live movie moments.. the dear John movie scene: pointing my thumb to the moon and saying "no matter where you are in the world, your thumb is no bigger than your thumb"!
- My home will always be New Zealand
- I'm scared of being in deep water
- When my name (Amanda) gets too common I call myself 'Shaniqua'.. CAUSE I'M JUST THAT BLACK!!!
- Shane Dawson is a hot ass ;)

Ohio ~ Summer time

- If I was a guy I would be called Elie..
- Too much goes down on facebook IMO
- Chatroulette is addictive
- Cream sodas, dip 'n dots and marmite is all I need in life♥
- 2 years of my teenage life was taken away when my parents "were going through marriage issues"
- 2012 better not end cause I have huge plans!! :)
- I tell everyone "People piss me off", because..true story bro
- I am fulfilled with inspiration from my American experience of 2011
- I feel most safe when I'm cuddled in a blanket ready for bed
- I'ma KIWI, bitches


Everybody wants happiness, nobody wants pain but you can't have a rainbow without a little rain ☼